Mary Lou's Complaint
by plumfan4ever
Summary: Mary Lou has a chat with Janet Evanovich. No ships in this story.


Disclaimer: All characters from the Stephanie Plum series belong to Janet Evanovich. I'm just borrowing them for my own entertainment.

Mary Lou's Complaint

Mary Lou glanced around her kitchen and sighed. The last couple of days had been blissfully quiet around her house. The boys were actually staying out of trouble, and getting along with each other. Potty training was going well with the youngest. Lenny's mom was so impressed; she had offered to take all the kids for the weekend. Lenny was out on an emergency job at the Quakerbridge Mall. For the first time in a very long time, Mary Lou had the house all to herself.

Fixing herself a second cup of coffee, she realized it had been a long time since she had gone on any adventures with her best friend Stephanie Plum, or hell, even had a chat with her for that matter. Picking up her phone, she decided to give her pal a call and catch up on the latest gossip. With a smile of anticipation on her face, she sat back in her chair ready for a leisurely chat.

Ring, ring, ring, ring....then "Hi you've reached Stephanie. I can't come to the phone right now. Janet Evanovich is busy writing Finger Lickin Fifteen, which is keeping me busy with Lula, Joe, and Ranger. Please leave your name, number, and the day you called, and I'll try to get back to you after the final edits. Thanks for calling." Mary Lou hung up the phone before the beep.

Stunned, she sat there at her kitchen table and wondered to herself when it was the last time she herself had showed up in any of Janet's books. Crossing over to the file cabinet in the mini-office she had in the utility room, she opened the file drawer to her business papers. Pulling out the contract she had signed years ago with Evanovich Inc., she reread the document that she hadn't paid attention to in many years. Grabbing a yellow highlighter and narrowing her eyes, she drew a big circle around one paragraph:

In all books pertaining to the Stephanie Plum series, the part of Stephanie's best friend since childhood will be played by one Mary Lou Stankovic, nee' Molnar. As best friend, Mary Lou will be on call to give Stephanie advice, provide a shoulder to cry upon, open her home as a refuge for Stephanie to hide out from boyfriends or bad guys, and assist in any other way which could increase book sales for Evanovich Inc. Mrs. Stankovic is prohibited from appearing in any other author's published for profit work while under contract with Evanovich Inc. Evanovich Inc. makes no guarantees as to the amount of "page time" Mrs. Stankovic will receive in any book. This contract can only be terminated if Evanovich Inc. decides to retire the character.

"Well I haven't received a termination letter from them-I'd remember that! Why hasn't Stephanie's best friend been there for her in the last several books?" Mary Lou thought to herself disgruntledly. "I'm damn well going to call Evanovich Inc. and find out what's going on!"

Grabbing her address book, Mary Lou quickly looked up and dialed Janet Evanovich's office. After going through several automated prompts, she finally got a human being on the line.

"Janet Evanovich's office. This is Peter speaking."

"Peter, this is Mary Lou Stankovic. I'd like to discuss my role in the Stephanie Plum series with Janet. Is she available, please?"

"Who is this?"

"Mary Lou Stankovic. Stephanie's best friend. I haven't been in any of the recent books."

"I thought Lula was Stephanie's best friend?"

"No, according to my contract, that's me. Can I speak to Janet?"

"Hold please."

Instead of hold music, Mary Lou was treated to a litany of promotion for the series. First there was Lorelei King reading snippets of the books, giving the book's title, and providing information on where to buy the books. Then, Alex Evanovich had a turn telling the listener what merchandise was in stock at the online store, along with the web address. Then the recording shifted back to Lorelei. Back and forth, back and forth until Mary Lou thought she was going to scream. Finally! A break in the sales pitch when the phone line got picked up.

"This is Alex Evanovich. How can I help you?"

"Alex, this is Mary Lou Stankovic. I really want to talk to Janet about why I haven't been in the recent books."

"She's really busy today. She's already gone through three bags of Cheez Doodles and a box of Butterscotch Krimpets. She's cranking out pages left and right from the sugar/carb high. Of course, I'll have to go back and edit through the gibberish, but she's on a roll right now. Can you call back later in the week?"

"I really don't want to wait until later in the week. Stephanie has always been a huge part of my life and I want to know why Janet has cut me out."

"How about I send you a Morelli air freshener? We gave out Morelli and Ranger air fresheners at the book signing last year. The extras sold like crazy at the online store, but I have a few left. If you send me a dollar for shipping, I can send you one."

"Thank you, but no. I really don't want a Morelli air freshener! And I don't want a Ranger air freshener either", she added when Alex started to speak. "I want to talk to Janet!"

"Okay," sighed Alex. "You're going to have to hold for a bit. She really hates interruptions when she's writing. Please try to not distract her for too long."

Mary Lou was put back on hold without a chance to respond to Alex's parting comment. Declining to listen to yet another go-round with the infomercial on the phone, Mary Lou tuned it out, grabbing a pen and notebook, and jotting down notes of things she wanted to say to Janet when Janet finally came to the phone. After fifteen minutes, she turned to a new page and started her grocery list. Mary Lou had just finished the grocery list when she heard another click on the line.

"This is Janet. How can I help you Margie?"

"It's Mary Lou. Mary Lou Stankovic!"

"Mary Lou, Margie....Helen or Ellen. I'm allowed my senior moments. What do you want, Mary Lou?"

"Why haven't I been featured in any of the later Stephanie Plum books? I'm her best friend, yet she doesn't call, we don't go shopping together. We haven't spied on Joe Morelli in forever!"

"Have you looked at your contract? It specifically does not guarantee how much page time any one character will get and that's precisely so I can leave it to _my_ discretion. Your character just doesn't fit into my current story lines. I get tons of e-mail asking for more of Ranger's employees. Hal got some very nice feedback for his recent appearance in Plum Spooky. The Rangemen employees are where the money, um, I mean my muse is going these days."

"Listen, I'm married, not dead. Why can't I meet some of these no-neck muscle boys hanging around Stephanie?"

"Well, I wrote you as Stephanie's married-with-kids friend. Someone she loves, yet an example of the life she doesn't want to have just yet. I can't have you running around, rolling in trash with Stephanie and this week's bodyguard. You have a home, husband, and kids to manage."

"What if I got into a fight with Lenny and went to live with Stephanie for a while? You could get some mileage out of that."

"It's been done. Remember Hot Six? Grandma Mazur moved in with Stephanie. I don't want to revisit old story lines."

"Since when? Joe was FTA in One For The Money, then Ranger was FTA in Hot Six. And that's just one example. If I put my mind to it, I'm sure I could come up with some more. Seems to me you don't have a problem with recycling."

After a short, frosty silence Janet responded, "What's your point?"

"My point is that my character can still be worked into the story lines. Make my youngest kid a little bit older and send him off to school. That way I could have some time to help Stephanie with her cases."

"I make it a point not to age anyone in the Stephanie Plum world. Ever! I can't have Grandma Mazur in danger of dying off. Her fans would stop buying my books!"

"Yes Janet," Mary Lou managed through clenched teeth, striving for patience, "but soap operas age kids all the time without aging the adults around them. Good grief! You've had me changing diapers for over ten years! I need a break, and I think having me run around more with Stephanie could easily be written into the story line."

With a huge, aggrieved sigh, Janet replied, "My current market research indicates people want to see Stephanie spend more time with the men in her life. Lula's story line with Tank is taking up a lot of my time too. I just can't see where I can fit you in for the next few books."

Mary Lou was ready to howl with frustration. "What if you let me out of my contract?"

Surprised, Janet replied, "Why on earth would I do that?"

"My contract states that I can only be released if you instigate it. If you're not going to use me, release me. Maybe I can find a job with another author."

"What author?"

"Well, Charlotte Hughes is writing a new series with a female psychologist. Maybe she could use a sidekick. The first book is titled What Looks Like Crazy and at this point, I think what looks like crazy is _me_. I'd fit right in!!"

"Absolutely not! I've done enough to launch Charlotte's career. I'm not releasing one of my characters to her. It's bad enough that I let TriStar have the rights to everyone appearing in One For The Money. The money I could have made with HBO if I hadn't signed that contract..."

Mary Lou interrupted Janet's train of thought. "If you're not going to release me, I want to appear in the books again. Don't you think people will think it's strange that the best friend isn't appearing in the books? Haven't I got fans too?"

"Mary Lou, your fans aren't as vocal as some of the others. I get tons of mail wanting more Rangemen in the story, wanting more interaction between Stephanie and Joe, Stephanie and Ranger. I'm tap dancing as fast as I can, trying to keep all these fan groups buying the books. I really don't need my characters chiming in too. I'll let you know if I plan to use you again any time soon."

And that was that. Janet hung up on Mary Lou before she could get another word in. Saddened, Mary Lou hung up the phone and thought back to the early days in the series. She remembered all the good times she had with Stephanie, wondering at the same time if she'd ever get another chance to have fun in the world of Plum again. Looking at a photo of herself, Lenny, Joe and Stephanie at a summer cookout, she could only hope that the fans of the series let Janet know that they wanted to see her again.

Authors Note: This one shot was written a week before the excerpt to FLF came out on the website. Lula calls herself Stephanie's BFF in the excerpt. Poor Mary Lou once again seems forgotten by her author.


End file.
